10. Mrs Customer is lonely and drunk and needs a friend.
9. Mr Customer once programmed mainframe computers back in 1962. He knows everything. Of course that’s why he’s calling. And he’s not afraid to tell you how to do your job.
8. Mrs Customer has spent the first 14 minutes of the call complaining about outsourced agents. Guess what, it’s been 14 minutes and you still have the same problem. Shut up about the outsourced agent because the agent you are speaking to:
a) does not care
b) can’t comment on it anyways
c) is an outsourced agent and is dying a little bit inside with every call
7. Mr. Customer has an overwhelming urge to read to you what is on the screen even though the agent has seen this screen probably 10,000 times. Even if we politely tell Mr. Customer that he just needs to tell us that he’s at the screen and he does not have to read the screen, he still insists on reading every screen.
6. Mrs Customer bought herself a D-Link router but has no freakin’ clue how to hook it up. D-Link is gonna charge her $1.99/minute to help her so Mrs Customer thinks she’s a clever bunny and will call her internet company for help. The agent will spend the next 10 minutes explaining that the equipment is unsupported. Then the agent will spend another 10 minutes explaining what “unsupported” means.
5. Mrs Customer is a multitasking diva. She is cooking lunch, texting on her cell phone and talking to you all at the same time. So you get to repeat every single instruction five times.
4. Mr. Customer selected the option “internet technical support” to ask a question about the TV bill.
3. Oh, Mrs D-Link is calling back for the 15th time. Agents are still saying “unsupported.”
2. Every time you ask Mr. Customer a question that requires a YES or NO answer, he tells you a longwinded story unrelated to his issue.
1. Mrs Customer never has any information in front of her to validate the account. So we have to wait 5-10 minutes on the phone while she searches the piles of paper on her desk for an account number. Even though Mrs. Customer has called six times in the last four days and every time we have asked her for her account number, she does not have it ready.