Ashley, The Most Wonderful Bratty Poodle

Two weeks ago we had to say goodbye to our Ashley.

She was the most wonderful brat any family could have as a family pet. Ash fell ill when she was two but recovered so we got nine (or 63) extra years with her so it is important to remember the good times.

We were all very sad and I still miss her goofy presence, but Ashley was the happiest poodle ever so this post is a celebration of the joy she brought us.

It’s important that I write a post about her cause Ashley’s ghost may come over and leave real (and not ghost) poop  in my shoes just to teach me a lesson. She could be spiteful like that!

 

Ashley on other Dogs
Other dog at dog park: Hi, I’m a dog.
Ashley: I’m a dog too. We are best friends forever. I love you. You are awesome. Let’s play.
Other dog at dog park: Okay.

 

Ashley on People
Stranger at the dog park: Hello pretty poodle.
Ashley: We are best friends forever. I love you. You are awesome. Let’s play.

Ashley on Food
I love it all. So much that I am willing to look for some on the kitchen counter.
Except bananas.
And popcorn. It scares me. But I will beg for it and then mash it into the carpet.

 

 

 

Ashley on Preferred Hydration Method
Bottled water? I guess it’s okay.
Champagne? I guess it’s okay.
Water from the toilet? The best thing ever!!!!

 

Ashley on Toys
Everything is a toy.
Oh look I found a stinky sock. It’s a toy.
Oh look a 2L pop bottle to kick around the house. It’s a toy.
Barack Obama’s book. It’s a CHEW toy!
Dead squirrel tail. Run around the house with it. Look at Mommy chase me. This is the best toy ever!

 

Ashley on Being a Showgirl
I like it when my fans fawn over me like a Rock Star.
Too many baths.
Too much primping.
No rolling in mud.
I sensed human displeasure when I pooped in the ring. Twice.

 

 

 

Ashley on Obedience School
Too cool for school!
Ashley on The Other Puppy She Constantly Sees In The Glass Door of the TV Stand
I hate that bitch.
That bitch followed me to Florida!

 

The Kool-aid Incident of 2003
My favourite Ashley story  occurred when  I was taking care of her while Mom was in Florida. We  were enjoying a nice Sunday evening in front of the TV. At that time, Mom had two dogs. Hope was her older poodle and frankly, very patient with Ashley’s highjinx*. Poor Hope sometimes did not get too much individual attention so I went to the fridge, poured myself a big glass of cherry Kool-aid and sat down on the floor to give Hope a nice ear scratch. Ashley was immediately consumed with a case of intense poodle jealousy due to my blatant display of not focusing all my attention on her  behavior.

Ash’s first problem solving technique was to bark at Hope. Hope ignored her. Ash’s next problem solving technique was to bark at me. I waved her away and  threw a toy and she was momentarily distracted but then returned even more perturbed. She let out several barks including:

Hey what are you doing bark?
Look at me, I am adorable bark!
Dammit, pay attention to meeeee bark!

This went over for almost 10 minutes. I ignored her and continued to focus my attention on Hope who was at this point was lying across my lap, her eyes glazed over with ear scratching bliss.

Ashley was at her breaking point. She could not take it anymore. She let out this angry snort, marched over the end table, lifted her right paw and defiantly knocked the full glass of Kool-aid onto the floor.

This was no accident. This was the spitefullness I was talking about earlier. This was a caculated act of pure poodly evil.

Ashley got a 45 minute time out in a crate to think about her unacceptable behavior.  After 45 mins she was released but her expression was that of the oppressed political prisoner who will not be silenced.

As mad as I was (it was the last of my kool-aid!) you had to hand it to the brat. That level of disobedience was at the level of a human and not a dog.

This is why I loved the brat like a child!

Hope and Ashley December 2001


* It took about 8 months before Ashley went to far with Hope. One day I came over and there was a rather large wound on Ash’s muzzle.

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