There is a reason the quote Marie Antoinette never said still exists.
I’ve been wanting to write a post about this subject for quite some time but held back because I worried about offending people. Then I realized the following things:
- People will not read the post and will not be offended.
- People will click Like on Facebook but will not read the post and will not be offended.
- People will read the post and will not be offended.
- People will read the post and be offended.
- People will read the post and feel uncomfortable about the subject matter.
- A bunch of other scenarios that I can’t think of right now.
Wow, that’s a lot of realizing. Anyhoo, here goes.
This post is about resources. I thought about it a few weeks ago when the creepy old man who lives two doors down felt this need to grocery shame me when I unloaded my groceries. He offered unsolicited advice about my purchases without understanding the context or frankly, knowing anything about me. He probably thought he was doing me a service and felt perfectly justified in his comments. I felt like punching him in the face but he’s kind of creepy and he gives off a I might end up chopped up and shoved into his freezer vibe so I exercised self-control and gave him a dirty look instead.
There are people in this world with lots of resources and there are people in this world with fewer resources. Obviously there are millions of different levels of resources but this post is about my observations and I will try very hard not to turn it into a rage filled rant.
When you look and sound like the middle class but aren’t the middle class your days can be filled with ignoring or deflecting insensitive comments. How people end up with or without resources is complicated so let’s just say for whatever reason, some have more and some have less.
It’s hard to tell if people are just being clueless or assholes or a little bit of both. It’s also hard to resist telling them off.
Just because someone has fewer resources, it doesn’t mean they are dumb so stop treating them like they are simple-minded. What I mean is that giving them helpful advice like “get a better job ” or “move to a cheaper apartment ” isn’t very helpful. They know they have a job that isn’t the best or they are already living in a cheaper apartment. Just because someone has fewer resources, it doesn’t mean they don’t know how to Google.
I hate to tell you (not true, I sort of want to tell you this, you smug bastard) but you aren’t as brilliant as you think. The person with the shitty job isn’t going to say “Wow Sally, I am just so dumb. Why didn’t I think to get a better job? Oh Sally, you are so clever and I am lucky to have your around to enlighten me with your unlimited knowledge and wisdom.” Sally, this makes you look like a jerk. Nobody needs a smartypants to point out the obvious.
Helping someone out doesn’t mean offering what you think is help. All you are doing is saying is that you cannot be trusted to make sound financial decisions so I’ll just do it for you. What you may think is important might be item #493 on their list of things they need. You might pop over to Steve’s house and see that he has a pathetic 22″ television set and offer to buy him a proper manly sized 52″ TV so he can enjoy the big game. It sounds nice enough but now you’ve put Steve in an awkward position. Steve can accept the 52″ television set even though Steve hasn’t had TV services for years because he can’t afford it. What Steve really needs is to get a filling replaced and getting his tooth fixed would make a huge difference in his life. Don’t be an idiot and only offer help on your terms. Don’t force Steve to sell the TV so he can pay to get his tooth fixed and that’s why he never invites you over to watch the big game. Do Steve a favour and fix his tooth otherwise you are just punching Steve in the face which is kinda mean cause he’s got a sore tooth.
It might come as a surprise that people might resent you when flaunt your resources. People might find it, oh I don’t know, elitist when you drone on and on about all your expensive gadgets or how your cleaning lady raised her rates again. All you are doing is further isolating a person who already is socially isolated.
Two is greater than one. Two income earners, please stop offering financial tips to single income earners. That being said, if you don’t have a job and you mooch off others, then you don’t get to have an opinion. When I say mooch, I mean sit on your ass all day and do not contribute to the household in any way and gobble up resources rather than contribute to them. You are living off someone’s hard work. Yeah, I know, that person is letting you mooch but seriously, adults do not mooch. They get jobs and contribute and they certainly don’t whine about their cell phone plan or the injustice of a $17 hamburger.
Stop treating thrifty people as cheap. Nobody should be shamed for stretching a buck, especially when stretching a buck is the way they can afford to pay their rent every month. It’s not like it’s a kooky hobby.
Some people don’t have the money to solve a problem by spending. They have to use other resources to resolve the issue. You might not understand their challenges but please respect their budget.
I can’t tell you if everyone feels the same way as I do about resources, but what I have outlined is my experience. If there is anything, anything, you take away from this post is that you might want to recognize that it’s mentally exhausting trying to balance tact and just wanting to tell someone off. I just want you to think about this post and think about how you use and share your resources.